Thursday, September 22, 2016

Comments on the Comments

As part of his comment on my post “Obsessive”, Xersex made the statement “For me sex is life.”  To me that is a wonderful thing to hear.  An enhanced male who has got it integrated.  If only the world was full of men who recognized that there is no life without sex.  Unfortunately, most people still live with sneaky feelings about sex, that it is not quite right, urges you have that you do not talk about, activities you try to hide, inclinations you have that you do not even let yourself know about.  That is the fruit of the way most of us were brought up and it is the result of pressures that society puts on us.
I thought that our friend from the “Big Whack Attack” made a very important point.  I especially like the way he separates out sex and love.  This, really, is the point from which I started in all my thinking on enhanced masculinity.  He wrote: “My take on "obsession" differs. Yes, the heterosexual community thinks that homosexual men are obsessed with sex; they label the gay man as promiscuous, or worse.

Yet, it is simply not true. Gay men are just like all other men - The libido is the same. Take a look at the straight men, hanging out in clubs and bars looking for sex. Look at the straight men who patronize the day spas and gay bathhouses looking for sexual release.

The sexual instinct is no different. The urge is no less nor more. The big difference is that modern societies have roped us all into believing that we are supposed find and cling to one other individual, "foresaking all others" within the bonds of Holy Matrimony. The gay man has been (and still is) denied this opportunity. Therefore he is free to act upon his sexual urges, this most basic of instincts, with as many different partners as he chooses. He is free to engage in sexual activity whenever a willing partner is found, rather than having to wait for his spouse/partner/girlfriend to acquiesce.
Things may change when mainstream society understands that all men - if given the opportunity - truly think of sex as a means of satisfying the need for release, as an entertainment, rather than a bond of love. Sex and love are not, cannot be the same thing.”

I think it is crucial that we separate out and distinguish carefully the values of sex and love.  First of all, we have to see sex as a value in itself.  Above all we have to ditch the idea that sex is only to be enjoyed within the framework of civil unions.  The value and beauty of sex is to be enjoyed in itself.  Sex is to be cultivated for its own sake, especially in the context of man to man sex which is of a completely different nature from hetero-sex.  Sex, again I am thinking principally of mansex, can be part of a one to one personal commitment.  But sex and commitment are not the same thing.  However, let us not fail to notice that sex however casual has an element of love in the evangelical sense, something I do for the good of my fellow man.


  1. Beautifully said. (And thanks for the shout-out.)

    Today Artistry of Male Soul Food (AOM) has posted some excellent advice: That one cannot have great sex without first taking the time to learn to make love to oneself. In doing so, we learn to savor the sensations and this enables us to be better sexual partners. Masturbation is also what makes men so much better at sex with other men.
    Though we can connect love and commitment to sex with a life partner, sex does not have to be that way. Sex can, and should, be enjoyed for itself. It is a basic instinct right behind food and shelter. We need to learn to accept that.
    That men are able to satisfy that instinct (urge) with other men is a gift.

  2. Very insightful observation. I agree completely. Love and sex can go together in a meaningful relationship. But there is a certain love in my attraction to another man for sex together. There is a bonding, however temporary in sex together. Sexual attraction is wonderful in itself and finds fulfilment when men engage in sex together.

  3. let me add something more:
    sex is a pillar in my life! I know no other more joyful activities than sex. In sex there is so much: pleasure, joy, affection, tenderness, fun. I have no other vices (tobacco, alcohol), because these vices, if I'd practiced them, appalled opposite the pleasure of sex.

    sex among men can't bring any child, but who's care? me not for sure. To tell you the truth, I'm so happy not to have children and not make them, even if I'd make a (voluntary) mistake!

    Sex is a pillar of my life! Obviously I love other things: music, literature, reading, but without sex my life would be greatly incomplete!

  4. Speaking of these important and beautiful words: "For me sex is life."

    Twas ever thus for human beings! We are inescapably *sexual* beings. We are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Ps. 138/139) for bodily contact, for fleshly play, with others. To deny or suppress this aspect of our lives (according to the dualistic, flesh-hating which have plagued our Faith for centuries) is to deny the glory of God within us. Whatever the "image and likeness of God" are, they must include something akin to sexual expression and play (that's a whole other ball of wax, of course, which I will refrain from getting into right now!).

    I am fully aware that it's out of context and not very well translated, but the statement attributed to Saint Irenaeus of Lyons has always appealed to me, and I think has particular relevance to those of us who live out the enhanced masculine vocation within the context of Christian life:

    "The glory of God is a human being fully alive."

    Another way to interpret it would be:

    "The glory of God is a living man."

    Again (though dear Irenaeus would freak out to hear it!), it seems to me that this could be a very appropriate credo for us here. We are Christian men who, through great struggles, self-hatred, and heartache ("through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God", Acts 14) have come to know ourselves as created in the image and likeness of God: made the way we are, and loved and cherished by God just as we are, just as we were designed to be.

    We are men who, through the blessed passion of our particular mode of sexual expression, become "fully alive" or "living men" unto Christ our God and to our fellow human beings: men who have learned to experience the embrace of God through the intimate physical embrace of other men, and to commune with the Divine through the bodily, fleshly, passionate communion which links us with our fellow enhanced males.

    I thank God for this vocation. I will never go back to shame and self-hatred, because I've become a man fully alive. Amen.