Wednesday, October 19, 2016


There have been some very valuable reflections recently in columns and comments about that veneration of the male urge some call self-pleasuring, others self-loving, others masturbation.  Particularly encouraging is the sense that comes across from the discussion of the rightful place of the practice of venerating the male urge in our indwelling of our sexual nature as men.

AOM wrote it “Is not a defilement.  It is a Joy and Bliss and Beauty.  It is deeply connecting intimately with ourselves, Physically, emotionally, and Spiritually.  It is the Foundation of our Sexuality.  So, if you can, let’s take the time today (and every day) to make love to yourselves.”  What I particularly like there is the notion of deeply connecting intimately with ourselves.  Such a connection enables me to say: “I am male.  I am a fucker.  I have the man urge.” 

What ‘David’ one of the readers of AOM is quoted as contributing to the debate is particularly valuable because he addresses head on the devastating religious principle we were all brought up on that outlaws masturbation as not being an act of procreation, the only valid application of sex.  For most of us that principle stopped us going anywhere near masturbation, you hardly dared to do a second time any action that began to get you hard.  David starts off by rebutting the idea that self-pleasure or solosex is only second best.  He sees solosex as absolutely pivotal.  He says it is the most intimate expression of knowing ourself.  That brings us back to that basic notion of self-connection that AOM talked about and reminds me of John McNeill’s principle that there is no such thing as bad sex, there is only good sex, better sex and best sex.  In that scheme solosex is good sex.  But David is now saying that solosex is not a substitute for the better types of sex.  It is what it is, a value in itself.  I find that a progression in thought on the subject.  David further spells out the trauma wrought on our very being by our religious upbringing: “Those who believe sex is sinful and should be limited to “procreation only” are probably the most separated from knowing themselves in this intimate way.” 

I applaud this acclamation of the value of knowing ourselves incarnated in solosex.  David enlarges on the damage that so many of us have felt caused by the guilt complexes and self-torturing over masturbation.  He says: “They are almost afraid to explore this erotic territory because of the chaotic and uncontrolled energy involved and the blinders religion has put in them.”  I hope that, henceforth, we will all be able to exult in the chaotic and uncontrolled energies we release as we exercise the erotic veneration of our masculinity.  David acclaims it as “liberating” and I agree.  David is not exalting solosex above sex with others, but he wants it to be seen as on an equal footing.  His conclusion is particularly enriching: “Those of us who are willing to surrender to our own erotic energy and explore our sexuality as pure “recreation” know how exciting and enriching the experience can be.”

I hope we will really be able to embrace veneration of our male urge by solo eroticism as a way of creating ourselves anew whenever we need it.

Then there is ‘French Patrick’ who brings out beautifully how solosex is a deeply spiritual activity.  He defines it as a religious tribute to yourself. 


  1. Masturbation is extremely important to both our physical and mental (spiritual) well-being.
    The thing religion misses regarding masturbation, especially in the teen years: This is a learning tool for relationships. Solo sex, or pleasuring oneself, is how we learn about our bodies; what feels good, what doesn't, what brings us to the brink of ejaculation, what will get us down from the precipice. The only way to become a loving partner - to provide the "best" sexual experience - is to know ourselves intimately. In this manner we can then honestly express ourselves to a partner.
    Couples (of any gender mix) argue most about two things: Sex and Money. Arguments lead to divorce - another thing the Church is against. Even within relationships, solo sex is important. It is time taken to rejuvenate oneself, to return to finding the love within, to rediscovering ourselves, finding peace within ourselves. Without that, how can we love another?

  2. sorry, I don't like so much solosex. Probably because I made sex with other so late in my life, and I have been feeling solosex so limitating and frustrating. I think I know so much myself by wanking myself. Wanking is good, but sex with other men is so much better!

  3. I'm sure I've said this before here, but I am struck by how porn and masturbation have become for me an occasion of profound thanksgivng (εὐχαριστία!) and that rejoicing in the Lord so often spoken of by the psalmist. What used to be a source of great anxiety and guilt has become a source of life and gratitude to God for the gift of exultation in my sexual being.

    Now, whenever I see a beautiful male body (remember what Plato said about how a beautiful body can be the springboard of contemplation of higher things), and especially male bodies intertwined in fleshly communion, a vision which leads to ecstatic bodily climax, I can't help say (sometimes even aloud):

    "Thank you, God, for making me gay, for allowing me to participate in something so beautiful, so divine, so sublime!"